I’ve been thinking about my prior post. Sometimes I wish I could write simply and forcefully about my views on gay marriage and anti-gay Christians, but I have conflicting thoughts and feelings on those subjects. To explain, I’ll have to describe things in personal terms.
I am, by nature, a conciliator. I don’t like conflict. I like to concede some ground in order to have some peace. It can make me feel magnanimous, mature, and good. I like to be liked. I’m also afraid of my enemies and of what they can do to me if I push too hard. They might attack me or kill me. (I’m sure there are parental- or other upbringing-related reasons for all of this.)
At the same, I often doubt whether concession and compromise are really the way to go. The fact is, none of us know what the consequences of our actions will be. Therefore, do you try to act out of pragmatism, or out of principle? Or do you act from a mix of pragmatism and idealism – be pragmatic, but do it because you think that’s the best way to eventually achieve your goal? I tend to take that last view.
But I know that my actions and views on gay marriage tend to be unconsciously motivated more by fear than by principle; that is, into the basket of calculations, I throw an assessment of how other people will react. And I’m sure I do it in areas beyond gay marriage; it’s just the way I tend to be.
Another thing about me is that I’m very interested in what makes other people tick. I tend to be empathic – which means, of course, not that I agree with another person’s views, but that I try to understand why that person has those views. I used to consider becoming a psychotherapist because I can find it interesting to try and understand other people’s motivations.
But you can’t put yourself completely into another person’s body. I’ve never actually sat down and had a one-on-one conversation with a conservative Christian. The most I’ve done is participate in online debates on message boards and the comment sections of some people’s blog posts. But those never last because people stop commenting. I’ve never completely delved into the mind of a conservative Christian, like some of the commenters on the previous post have. So I don’t know if my empathy and understanding and psychotherapeutic impulses can change a thing in other people. Since I haven’t experienced such a conversation with a conservative Christian, I have to concede that I’m speaking from idealism and naivete. To put it crudely, I’m speaking out of my ass. What the hell do I know?
I don’t know nuthin’, to be honest.
I’m late to the party, as usual, but I have to say that I agree in spirit with my all-time favorite blogosphere celebrity David Ehrenstein below. If we are serious about achieving equality, we must be prepared to take action. We must not be scared to do battle. Conciliation is a tatic you use if you are already in power and you want to widen your base of support. Conciliation will not work if you are the underdog. Those who control the playing field have absolutely no reason to play the conciliation game with you if you have no leverage against them.
“Those who control the playing field have absolutely no reason to play the conciliation game with you if you have no leverage against them.”
SING OUT LOUISE!
“I like to be liked.”
Don’t we all?
” I’m also afraid of my enemies and of what they can do to me if I push too hard. They might attack me or kill me. “
In a great many instances you can take out the “might.”
“(I’m sure there are parental- or other upbringing-related reasons for all of this.)”
You were raised to be a well-mannered, sincere individual. That’s all well and good, but in “The Real World” (not an MTV series, that and $1.25 will get you a crosstown bus ride in L.A.
Well, there’s not a lot of conciliation to be done with the real hard-core conservative Christians. I speak from experience on this one. They believe in a merciless, inflexible and rigid God, and for them questioning any aspect of their faith or what they have been taught is really tantamount to heresy. It’s like with the whole Creation thing. They honestly are afraid that if Genesis is not literally true, then the rest of the Bible and everything else they believe in is also potentially not “true.” This despite the fact that Christ spoke almost exclusively in parables, which to me is a big, flashing sign with flags and bells that the Bible needs to be read critically and symbolically. So you just can’t even approach the subject of homosexuality, because the passages in Leviticus, Romans and I Corinthians are, for them, not subject to any kind of analysis or interpretation other than what they believe they say. It’s a sad way to have faith, I think. I have always said, if you don’t question God, you never get answers.
With the far religious right, this is going to be a slow, slow change that will only be accomplished through time, perhaps even generations. As society in general becomes more accepting of gay people (and hopefully science will continue to provide evidence that sexuality is biologically determined), more and more conservative Christians will become aware of gay people among their friends and family and that will force them to re-think certain issues.
Whatever you do, don’t despair. It’s enough to know that God is always on the side of truth.
During a class on reading the New Testament as a text, a teacher in college said that the concept of “sin” boils down to objectifying the Other.
Different-from-me… not-as-good-as-us… less-than-fully-human.
Those who misunderstand religion stumble (or march) along this trajectory all too easily.
Don’t permit anyone to objectify you, Jeff. I think that is where the line should be drawn.
Empathy is the ability to vitally imagine what it is like to be an other, the force that makes a bridge from the island of one individuality to the island of the other. It is an ability to step outside your own perspective, limitations and ego, and become attentive in a vulnerable, encouraging, and creative way with the hidden world of another person.
Compassion is directly related directly to justice. We recognize its presence in the withholding of huge negative moralistic judgment. I see compassion in the expression of mercy, in the refusal to label someone with a short-circuiting terminology that condemns him or her.
Jeff, I read both abundant empathy and compassion in your words. There is within most of us, an unquenchable fire that renders us incapable perhaps of ever coming to full peace. I think this desire lies at the center of our lives, in the marrow of our bones, and in the deep recesses of the soul. At the heart of all great literature, poetry, art, philosophy, psychology, and religion lies the naming and analyzing of this desire. I think our spirituality is, ultimately, about what we do with that desire. What we do with our longings, both in terms of handling the pain and the hope they bring us, that is our spirituality …. I believe that the greatest thing you can do is live your own life without compromising your personal integrity, as a gay man and as a human being.
I don’t know nuthin’, to be honest.
This conveys the main difference between you and them. They know the truth, and it’s always black and white. This is the attitude of someone who’s always at war. You don’t want to be at war, and who can blame you?
oh, you know som’in.