And Me With Nothing to Wear!

I’d like to thank the Academy, my agent, and the base ten number system for my big East Coast win. No thanks to Bill Gates and his evil screen-shotless empire. Also congrats to my trans-Mississippi counterpart, Psionic. RJ, I think Flip might be luckier than you…

At any rate, this is an interesting coincidence, since I’ll already be seeing RJ on Saturday night at his rootin’-tootin’ bachelor party. By “bachelor party” he means a party brimming over with single gay men. I can’t wait. Fill it to the rim, baby! RJ, I guess we can discuss the details at the party. But how are we going to talk about it without people wondering what’s going on? They’ll start asking questions, and you’ll have to tell them that I won the privilege of deflowering your revirginized body because I was the 6000th visitor to your website. All your party guests will think you’re a big whore. Or they’ll think I’m a big whore. Would that be good or bad? I guess it depends who’s at the party.

In other news, a friend of mine e-mailed me this afternoon with the news that he wants to introduce me to this acquaintance of his. The acquaintance is supposedly cute and very intelligent. “I think you’ll like him,” my friend wrote. We shall see. The friend, the friend’s boyfriend, the acquaintance, and myself are getting together on Friday night.

So I’ve realized that the key to success in this world is networking. It’s all about who you know. As my dad said to me a few years ago, “Brains are neither necessary nor enough.” Great. Now he tells me.

Bill Conti is starting to play that funky music, white boy, so I’d better get off the stage. Okay, Stick Man, I’m going…