Heaven Ends

So, yesterday the office was closed and the snowstorm was a dud. And today it’s snowing, yet the office is open. I don’t get it.

I left my coworker’s house this morning after spending five wonderful evenings there, including a three-day weekend of pure relaxation. Between Sunday morning, when I went grocery shopping, and this morning, when I packed up my stuff and came to work, I didn’t leave the house at all. It was fantastic. I listened to opera CDs and WQXR, ate, napped, did the Sunday Times crossword, watched cable TV. Tonight I have to go back to my apartment, and a feeling of dread is returning. Right now, there are only a couple of simple things I want in life — a quiet place of my own, and time to relax there undisturbed — yet I’m worried about being able to achieve even those small things. I’m dreading my upstairs neighbors and my building’s thin walls, and I don’t know what I want to do when my clerkship ends in August.

Why, oh why, is it so difficult for me to be happy?