Damn, People

(Upon reflection, I’ve edited this entry a little bit since first posting it.)

Wow. That’s a lot of comments. Thanks to all of you who have written. Some of those comments, particularly Jonathan’s and Ester’s but also a few others, were terrific.

But let me clarify something. I DON’T WANT AN INTENSE RELATIONSHIP. In fact, I’d like to move more slowly. He’s the one who’s been saying things, not me. I didn’t mention that, I guess. But it’s true.

When we were rolling around in bed that first night, he’s the one who said that he hoped this wasn’t just a one-night stand. And he’s the one who said he’s at the point where he wants to date someone.

He also said, while we were kissing, “How did we meet?”

“Well, on the Internet, right?” I said, a little confused.

“No, no,” he said, smiling. “We can’t tell people that. We have to make something up. We met through our friend, uh…” He paused, smiling. He smooched me. “What’s our friend’s name?”

“Hmmm…” I said.

“Pete,” he said. “We met through our friend Pete.” He laughed.

Also, when he and I talked on the phone on Monday night, he mentioned that he’d gone on a couple of dates with another guy who he isn’t really into and with whom he hadn’t hooked up. He wanted to tell the guy that he wasn’t interested in dating him, and he asked my advice on how to do it. In fact, he said, “Should I tell him that I’m not really interested in dating him and that I’ve met someone?” That “someone” being me.

And, read my last entry. He’s the one who told me I’m a “special guy.” I haven’t been saying anything like that. In fact, his words are making me feel kind of pressured.

I’d like to go on another date with Mr. Conservative William F. Buckley Guy once he gets back from Prague. I’d like to be able to do it without feeling such pressure, direct or indirect. I don’t want to start breaking dates with other people because of the new guy. I want to be able to evaluate him and get to know him at my own pace.

So I’m not the one being Mr. Intense-Scaring-Him-Away, okay? To be honest, I kind of resent that characterization. No, not kind of. I do resent it.

I blog because I like words. I like to write. I like to explore my feelings. I like the sheer act of putting words together to describe what I’m feeling and doing. Yeah, I guess I could do this in a private journal. But it’s kinda cool to have other people read my words.

It’s kind of sick and twisted, really. Why the hell am I doing this? You go to a party where there are other bloggers and people ask, “How do you guys know each other?” and you feel really awkward and try to think of a way to explain how you know each other without coming off as a total kook. Why does anyone blog about one’s personal life? Probably because we like the attention and the interaction with other people.

I know I write about my feelings very honestly in here. (Figuring out why I do so would probably require a cadre of therapists.) And I know that sometimes I can be very neurotic. And I know that sometimes my words are a cry for help. And I know that I have a comments section. People are free to write whatever they want in there, basically.

I certainly don’t want people to start patronizing me.

But if you want to berate me in my comments section, can you first realize that if you do so, it’s going to come across as a public flogging? Can you choose your words more carefully instead of making me feel like I’m some kind of psycho? Did I say that I was telling the guy any of my thoughts? No. They’re just my thoughts.

I’m e-mailing the person whose comment really bothered me, so if you don’t hear from me, it wasn’t you. (It wasn’t Sparky or Choire, if you’re curious.)

Write responsibly. Please. I do enjoy the give-and-take that a comments sections allows, and perhaps this is just one of those blog-related risks. But comments such as that one hurt.

If you absolutely feel a need to say such things, send me an e-mail. In other words, if you feel like humiliating me, do it privately. Or maybe think twice about your words.

Other than that, keep those comments rolling in. They’re usually fun to read and they’re often informative.

By the way, I didn’t mention this in order to get sympathy. I mentioned it because the particular comment really made me angry.

Thanks, and enjoy your stay.