15 thoughts on “Mrs. Roosevelt”

1. if you’re feeling burned about the way this guy treated you, cancel dinner with as dispassionate an email/phone call as possible … but don’t send him a nasty email. that’ll just make you look bad, no matter how much of a creep he is. stay calm and cool and let him figure it out, which hopefully he will.

   (not that you asked for my advice, but still. )

2. ding ding ding!

3. I don’t think it’s the crime of the century to not call when you’ve said you would. Nor is it a damning indictment of him that he’s more interested in another guy than in you. And if he told a clumsy little lie, it was in the hopes of sparing your feelings about his carelessness.

   He still wants to go out with you. Perhaps when he does, he’ll forget about the boy that had him spellbound a few days ago. It’s easily within the realm of possibility, Jeff.

   Just calm down. You have no right to expect anything from a guy you haven’t met yet — he has not been rude or hurtful to the point that demands comment, let alone retribution.

4. A guy you’ve just *barely* met, anyway. Same difference.

5. Yeah, Mike B. said the tough love stuff so I don’t have to. (Thanks, Mike ;) I agree with what he said; that was totally my take on it, too.

   Moreover, I didn’t get the impression that he realized he had your phone number when he asked you for it again during your AIM chat.

   From the chat transcript — and isn’t that kinda funny, that you’ve got, like, this TEAM of dating consultants analyzing your chat transcripts to advise you? LOL! — my impression is that he was just barely opening your e-mail, and hadn’t yet read it, when you began your chat. Which means he wouldn’t have gotten down to the end of it yet, where you (re-)list your contact info for him.

   So it’s entirely possible that he didn’t tell a lie at all, let alone a little white one (which is what I’d call it, too, to cover his embarassment, as Mike suggested).

   Anyhow, that’s pretty much all I have to say. Except that it might’ve been kinder to say, “Fuck Mrs. Roosevelt” instead of “Fuck Off,” since Franklin D. sure as hell didn’t do her any favors in that department. (Not because he had contracted polio in his later years, people — I’m not that politically incorrect! — but because he was serially unfaithful. C’mon, throw me a freakin’ bone here!)

   Whatever.

6. somehow, the words “fuck off, Mrs. Roosevelt” just conjures up this very odd parody of Mrs. Robinson. . . all, “co-ca-choo, Mrs. Roosevelt, Tin Man wants you to go fuck yourself. . .whoa, whoa, whoa…screw your advice and your platitudes, no one here trusts your work with dudes (or nudes, an artistic dilemma), doo doo doo” and so forth…

   Anyway. ..

7. I so would call him on it! I have done it many times before. I hate when people tell you they will do something and then don’t. If you aren’t interested just tell me. I’m not going to start crying. I am not going to think you are a horrid person. But I will think that of you, if you lie to me. I say email him!!!

8. You would seem to have two choices: 1) Go and see what happens, or 2) Preempt the date entirely by canceling.

   If you can’t let go of your annoyance at him not calling, then maybe you should cancel. After all, you going into this feeling hurt already isn’t going to help things much. He apologized, you appeared to accept, if you can’t let it go, then you’re just wasting both of your time.

   However! If you can let it go… I’d say give him a shot. He’s obviously still somewhat interested, he’s just being honest with you. That’s not such a bad thing.

   Try to relax. It can be fun and dramatic angsting and analyzing every interaction at the beginning of a relationship/flirtation. (Not that I, uhh, know from personal experience or anything… BWAHAHAA!) Trust me, I, too have spent many a late night poring over IM convs with friends. I’ve interpreted subtext and symbolism till I was blue in the face, and all the good it did me was to create anxiety for everyone. They pick up on that. You may be trying to make him responsible for a lot more than is fair.

   Try to relax, sweets… it’s just dinner, or it’s just nothing. Either way, it shouldn’t be the end of the world at this point.

   Hugs to you!

9. Hmmmmm.

   As a fellow lawyer, let me observe:

   There’s a long distance between goofing and malice. Yes, maybe he goofed by not being diligent about following up. But he had only met you once. And social interaction is a free, unregulated market. Markets change. But markets don’t have to be exclusive either, and his latest interest is not necessarily any negative comment about you.

   There’s something really frustrating about dealing with someone you just met–you have no standing to teach them any lessons. You’re not going to “teach” him that it was “wrong” not to follow up with you more promptly. If anything he is going to wonder why someone who just met him once is making such comments and conclude that it is presumptuous to do so.

   Of course, you’re only going to give someone so many breaks. But in the meantime, if you just have a nice dinner (which it seems he is not only open to, but genuinely interested in at a time when he clearly could have blown you off if he wanted to), there is a potential upside. If you tell him how pissed you are, it forecloses any further opportunity and it teaches him nothing.

   I just think that dealings with someone after one meeting–no matter how nice or promising it appeared to be–should not be so closely scrutinized. Of course, this is much easier said in theory than done in practice, especially for a lawyer. :-)

10. Yeah, what Russ said.

    Am I the only one that wants Tinman to post a photo of this guy online?

11. Call me a cynic, but i don’t think there was “another guy I met while walking” and i doubt there was an email being composed, and i, too, doubt he didn’t have your number.

    Here’s a simple fact, as horrible as it is (at least to me):

    Most people do not express how they *really* feel, and if they do, it’s very, very rare. (Thus goes the inhabitants of our national disney land of consumerism.)

    Most people rationalise that expressing the opposite of how they truly feel (in order to avoid confrontation or “hurt feelings”) isn’t a lie. Most people believe omitting the truth is not a lie.

    Values.

    (and this is why dating only at least minimally observant Jews is a good rule)

    Choose those you associate with very carefully. Examine their values with the care of a nuclear-plant inspector. Because, those you let through that you shouldn’t can cause equal devastation in your life.

    And, for those who do fool you enough to get past your inspection, well…. smite them with extreme prejudice. It’s just one less insincere “friendly” person to watch out for.

    ;->

    .rob

12. He is SO full of caca-del-toro. FIrst he met someone else and it was “innapropiate of him not to call”…then he conveniently lost your number? Don’t think so. He’s not too quick to come up with excuses, either. Much as I’d like to say stand his ass up, you’re better than that…However, I WOULD cancel. Just my 2 (albeit unsolicited) cents….

13. I vote screw him. He mighta hooked up with someone, and blew you off, but really, what he did is RUDE. I always call when my plans change, and the IM transcript inferred he had a CELL PHONE, which is usable anywhere…

    NOW… about this whole “people like that always end up together”… I used to feel that way, but I’ve found as I feel better about myself, I’ve had more confidence and I get attention from the best looking guys lately, and I’m considerably overweight… I haven’t met Prince Charming yet, but I know he’s out there… and he could be very attractive, so I hit on ALL the ones that I’m attracted to. It’s amazing who will hit back!

14. With all due respect, I don’t think you can assess something as complex as “values” after one meeting and one maybe-he-should-have-called.

    Of course it would be nice if nobody ever omitted any part of the truth. In reality, *some* spin and censorship is necessary in the name of giving people a chance. I am very critical. If I told people how I “really” felt all the time, I’d never get past a first date. Nobody is perfect. You have to give people a chance, especially if you want experience dating. This necessarily involves swallowing a lot of words but I think the benefit is well worthwhile.

    As for his being rude–it does not necessarily follow that you should cancel; there could be something to gain for you. I would ask: is there anything in this for ME by going to dinner? If the answer is yes, do it. Of course that depends what you are looking for. Maybe all you are looking for is experience, in which case, as I have mentioned here in the past, even if you are pissed at them, you ARE allowed to use people. (It’s a free market.)

15. Cancel the date with PrettyBoyBastard. Obviously he’s not good with confrontation, hence the lack of emails and such. He’s one of those guys that can’t cut to the chase.

    He yacked about your Almanac and your classical music as a way to kill time. And a way of being nice since you scanned his pictures for him. He used you as a Kinkos, essentially.

    Then, he doesn’t write or call. And then, ONLY after you IM him, does he actually respond to you. That’s a problem.

    Leave the PrettyBoyBastard to his PrettyBoy date. You’ll find better fish in the sea (or on the ‘net or in Date Bait or in a bookstore) …

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