I’ve been in this different place lately.

My routines have changed. It partly has to do with being sick last week; I didn’t leave my apartment from Wednesday morning to Sunday afternoon. And it was really nice. As I mentioned, I watched tons of old movies on TCM. I also put together some nice big meals out of the food my mom had brought me. I did lots of New York Times crossword puzzles. (I like being able to complete, or nearly complete, the Friday and Saturday puzzles.) There are times when I enjoy the isolation. As for this old movie kick, I’ve taken it further — yesterday I got myself a Newark Public Library card (I can get one since I work in Newark) and I took out a biography of film director D.W. Griffith. As usual, I’m following my brain wherever it takes me.

It feels like ages since I’ve been to a bar. I think it’s only been two and a half weeks, but it feels longer. And no alcohol for me for a few more weeks, because of the antibiotics. Oh, well.

As for sex, I haven’t felt like having it lately. I went a little overboard a few weekends ago, trying in some way to make up for having been hurt the weekend before. Now I’m taking a break from sex; I feel like I need some distance from it, some space, some cleansing.

In addition, I’ve begun singing with the chorus, which I’m enjoying. It feels so natural to be singing again — just as if I’d never stopped — and there are lots of nice guys in the group. I’ve also dropped an unfulfilling volunteer activity.

I’ve decided to renew my lease, because I have a newfound appreciation for my apartment. There are some things I wish were different about my living situation, but I’ve realized that although it’s not perfect, it’s still damn good.

Old stuff has dropped away, and I feel like I’m resting, waiting — taking a breather before new stuff comes along.