In order to make up for recent troubles, I was almost aggressively social last night. I had planned to attend a gay men’s coffee night, but when I got home from work I was too tired to go. Then I decided that my happiness, and perhaps my sanity, hinged on my attending. So I changed my clothes, put in my contact lenses, and made myself go.

I’m so glad I went. There were maybe 30 gay men there, hanging out on couches and sitting on chairs in the back of a coffee bar, talking and joking around in small groups. Most of them I recognized from previous events. And I found myself turning on the charm, making conversation, searching for various ins. I was socializing as if my life depended on it. Social adrenaline, perhaps. I’m often shy, but my shyness disappeared out of necessity.

At one point I went to use the restroom. I looked in the mirror and I was happy with what I saw.

I wound up being one of the last people in the group to stick around. Everyone had left except six of us, and we just stood there in a small circle, talking about kosher slaughtering methods, Port Authority urinals, Italy, and so on. One of the guys was really cute. I think he thought I was, too. I wound up handing out my card to everyone. Eventually, we all left the coffeeshop and continued talking out on the sidewalk. Then we finally parted ways. As we did, the cute guy gave me a hug and told me it was really nice to meet me. That doesn’t necessarily mean anything special, but in any case it was gratifying to hear.

As I walked back to the PATH station in the chilly autumn night air, I felt a rush of energy. I felt great; it was one of the best social events I’d been to in ages.

This morning I looked in the mirror and I thought, wow. You. Have. Great. Eyes.

And cute lips.

And a nice nose.

And a full head of dark hair.

We’ve all got untapped potential. Last night, I rediscovered mine.