I’m in a bit of a funk today, for a few reasons.

First, I’m sad that the summer is unofficially over. It all went by too fast. Back in college, I looked forward to the end of the summer, because it meant I’d be seeing all my friends again. Now, though, the summer ends and nothing changes. Time just marches on.

The next point is related, which is that on September 24, I’ll reach the end of my minimum three-year commitment to my state job. In the past, I might have seen this as a good thing. All employees in my state agency have to sign a three-year contract. For a long time, I couldn’t stand working here, and I looked forward to the end of the three years. But now I’m relatively content in my job, although not particularly fulfilled, and I have no idea what else I might want to do. Now that I’m allowed to leave, I don’t know where I’d go.

Also, I haven’t been able to commit to a book lately. I keep going to bookstores and seeing books I might want to read, but I don’t actually want to spend the money or invest the time in reading them. Matt says this is why libraries are good. That’s true. But I’ve been more of a fickle reader lately, more content to read magazine articles in the New Yorker than a full-length book. I’m just not in the mood to commit to a book.

Finally — and Matt was going to blog about this but I beat him to it — I’m in the midst of making a decision. Matt has invited me to move in with him once my lease ends on November 1. We’ve been talking about it for a few months. I already spend every weekend there, and lately, one or two nights a week as well.

There would be several benefits to moving in with Matt. One: I’d be living with Matt! Two: I’d finally be living in Manhattan. Three: because of Matt’s university job, he lives in his apartment rent-free, which means that I, too, would be living RENT-FREE. I could take the $1125 a month I’m currently paying in rent and put it toward my student loans.

There are some things that give me pause, though. One, I’d have to move, and moving is such a hassle. Because Matt’s place is much smaller than my apartment, I’d have to sell some things and get rid of others. I have no idea if all my stuff would fit in Matt’s closets. Two, I *love* my apartment, in which I’ve lived for three years, and I’d miss it. Three, I have the normal moving-in-together fears. What if we get in each other’s way? What if the apartment is too small for both of us or one of us feels suffocated? What if something goes wrong between us? There are other fears: What if I regret giving up my big Jersey City brownstone apartment for a 17th-floor apartment in an elevator building? And my housing would depend on Matt’s job. What if Matt gets a new job and we have to move again?

But, I’d be living there RENT-FREE.

We’ve been together almost a year now, and I’ve never felt more compatible with someone. I love Matt. We’re planning to move in together eventually, and in a lot of ways it makes sense to do it now. I just have a natural fear of change, and I hate moving. HATE it. Driving a U-Haul makes me nervous, let alone driving one through the narrow streets of lower Manhattan. Plus it’ll be right before Election Day, which means there’ll probably be an Orange Alert and I won’t be able to drive a U-Haul through the Holland Tunnel. Well, maybe I can do it a week or two early. And then there’ll be a terror attack and I’ll be living in Manhattan.

Anyway, it’s a decision, and one that I have to make soon.