Woof!

Strange thing. I’d been anxious and depressed all day about everything related to the previous entry… but then I came back to my parents’ house after work and wound up saving our dog’s life.

I’d come home from work, gone out for a walk, come back, and then put food in her bowl. I went into the next room. After a few minutes I heard a thud, and I ran back in. She was lying on the floor, on her side, choking. This is maybe the third or fourth time this has happened in the last few months; the poor girl is 14 or 15 years old. But this was the first time I’d been around when it happened. I did what my brother had done in the past — I stuck my fingers down her throat, pulled out a big chunk of half-digested dog food. Got a rush of adrenaline. Called my brother to see if I should do anything else, half-frantic. He asked if she was breathing… she was. I got her to stand up and walk around, and she seemed okay. Whew.

Anyway, strangely, the adrenaline rush made me feel physically, mentally and emotionally better. It’s amazing how anxiety and depression are not just mental phenomena but also physical ones. I realized how pointless it is to worry about something that probably hasn’t occurred. I will continue to be careful sexually, and I will not be punished for having gay sex. If I get infected it will be tragic, but I will still be a good person. Life will still be worth living. And anyway, given the odds, chances are I’m okay.

Nothing like a good adrenaline rush.