I’ll Take Manhattan

In therapy last night I hit on the idea that sometimes I just don’t feel good enough to live in Manhattan. I don’t really know why. My therapist — whom is in Manhattan — countered that if we went out onto the street and knocked on people’s doors and asked them to come outside, we’d probably find tons of people who wouldn’t fit my criteria of being “good enough to live in Manhattan.” So where does this idea of mine come from? It’s probably related to my envy of the types of people whom I saw in Central Park the other day.

On top of that, the idea of looking for an apartment in Manhattan intimidates me. I fear unscrupulous brokers, I fear having to shell out tons of money that I don’t have, I fear having to make a snap decision because there are twenty other people who want the apartment. (Or so I imagine.) I feel like there’s this natural selection process, that the ones who are resourceful enough to live in Manhattan are the only ones who belong there. I’m sure this argument is flawed, based as it is on the ideas that I’m not resourceful enough and that it takes superhuman powers to get a Manhattan apartment in the first place.

The other thing is affordability. I think my limit is probably $1100-$1200 per month, but preferably less. I don’t really care if the place is small — if it’s in a safe area and is secure and in good condition and clean, that’s enough. I’ve lived in small rooms before and I’ve had no problem.

Anyway, I decided that I need to break it down into small steps so that I’m not intimidated. So last night after therapy I picked up a copy of the Village Voice to look through the classifieds. Just to look. Just to see what prices are like in different neighborhoods, what’s available, and so forth. And since my newly-bought fan is doing a good job of drowning out noise, I feel less of an immediate need to move out of my current place. My lease ends on October 1, so I should use this to my advantage. Okay, I’ve looked at the classifieds. Next week, I’ll actually look at some apartments to see what I can get for my money.

I may as well make a plea to all my New York readers: if you know of any apartments that are opening up soon, or if you have any ideas, let me know, okay?

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Meanwhile, I’m sitting here at work with my headphones on, listening to my old college a cappella group’s most recent CD, which came out a year ago. Last April I headed down to UVA for the group’s spring concert and I bought this CD. It was on a beautiful spring weekend that left me incredibly nostalgic for my UVA days. Driving back up north, listening to this CD, overcome with nostalgia for my eight years in Charlottesville, I started bawling. And a year later, I’ve been missing UVA a lot again lately. I guess that’s what spring can do.