Apophasis

I could blog about the fact that I’m still not feeling all that great about the state of my life.

I could blog about the fact that last night I had leftovers from TGI Friday’s and it really didn’t agree with my stomach at all.

I could blog about the fact that last night I spent several hours on the Internet, unsuccessfully searching for something fun to do with someone. Or rather, unsuccessfully searching for someone with whom to do something fun.

I could blog about the fact that last night I finished reading Philip Roth’s American Pastoral and thought it was an amazing book, and about the fact that soon I’d like to read Michael Chabon’s The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, and about the fact that the most amazing reading experience of my life happened four summers ago, when I read David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest.

I could blog about the fact that I’d really like to read Suze Orman’s 9 Steps to Financial Freedom.

I could blog about The Little People Meet Mr. Potato Head.

I could blog about how I’m going to watch the big gay kiss tonight on “Dawson’s Creek.” (Thanks for the heads up, Eddie.)

I could blog about what a great piece of writing this is.

I could blog about how it’s been a few days since I’ve hung out with people, and how I’m looking forward to Friday night.

I could blog about how the last sentence of this entry was going to be “But I won’t,” but about how then I realized how uncreative that would be, because that’s probably how you would have expected me to end it, and about how it would sort of be a cop-out, too, kind of like when a kid doesn’t know how to end a story and so he says “but then there was a big explosion and the universe collapsed!” or “but then he woke up!”

I could blog about how I didn’t really feel like writing an in-depth essay today for my blog, because these last few days I’ve been caught up in some unenjoyable feelings and I know that that’s what the in-depth blog entry would wind up being about, and about how there’s too much negativity in the world as it is, you know, so why add to it, especially when it’s about me, and about how instead I figured, well, I have lots of little bits and pieces of things on my mind today, several of which I thought I’d blog about, so why not just be kind of cute and do something that on the surface seems creative but has probably been done lots of times before, particularly in courtrooms (“I could talk about my opponent’s numerous ethical problems, Your Honor, but I won’t,”), and give it a flashy-looking slick one-word title, a word that I wouldn’t even have known had I not seen it in Dean’s blog a couple of months ago, and about how I know that maybe by doing this I’m just trying to mask all those unenjoyable feelings, and about but hey, that’s what life is all about anyway, isn’t it, masking our unenjoyable feelings with things that are enjoyable, whether by writing, or humor, or intellect, or having sex, or taking drugs, or eating, or singing, or sleeping, or watching TV, or doing crossword puzzles, until we’re ready to deal with those unenjoyable feelings by taking the appropriate actions that will end them and replace them with more enjoyable feelings, but not in a temporary way such as through those above distractions but in a more permanent way, so that the problems causing those unenjoyable feelings are solved, but about how on the other hand I’m not really trying to save myself from thinking about these unenjoyable things, but rather you, the reader, from having to think these things about me, because I wouldn’t want to give you the impression that I have bad days or bad weeks, even though I know that everyone else does, because I think too much about what other people think of me, which I know I need to stop doing.

But then there was a big explosion and the universe collapsed.