Race and Ethnicity: An Open Letter to “Disappointed”
Someone wrote a comment in response to yesterday’s entry. He didn’t give an e-mail address, so I thought of responding to him in the comments section, but then I thought maybe this deserved its own entry.
To avoid unnecessary clickage, here’s what he wrote:
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Ugh. Don’t you just HATE it when Asian guys who truly and utterly don’t interest you at all, don’t get you hard and therefore merit no consideration whatsoever try to engage in some friendly conversation? I mean, an ASIAN guy, fer Chrissakes. As if he and an insecure, neurotic, short hairy guy could possibly have anything in common! Tinman, you can’t choose who you’re attracted to and should never have to apologize for what gets you off. OK, so he wasn’t your type. But you seemed unable to see beyond his Asian features and seemed more than eager to dismiss the facts that 1) you had something in common and 2) amiable banter on the PATH is somewhat of a rarity, given all our urban armor. I guess I just expected that someone both Jewish and gay would be able to see beyond overly-broad categorizations. We’re more than the sum of all the identities we adopt. Should I bump into you somewhere in the East Village, I promise I won’t get in the way of your cruising, or intrude into your sacrosanct circle of whiteness. Yet another GAL (Gay Asian and, yes, Lawyer).
disappointed – posted at 17:33 GMT 13/6/01
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Disappointed,
I’m sorry you were offended. But I think you’re reading things into my words that aren’t there. It’s true that the guy didn’t turn me on physically. I just don’t find myself particularly physically attracted to Asian guys, and as you say, I don’t need to apologize for who I am or am not physically attracted to. (At any rate, I have in fact slept with Asian guys before.) But just because I’m not physically attracted to someone, that doesn’t mean I want nothing to do with that person. At the risk of using a cliché, I’ve known and been friends with people of all different races in my life.
And, sacrosanct circle of whiteness? Unable to see beyond his Asian features? Eager to dismiss the fact that we had something in common? Jeez, I did have a conversation with the guy. I did see it as kind of funny — and weird — that a complete stranger enthusiastically struck up a conversation with me about a series of fantasy novels, because, as you correctly note, “amiable banter on the PATH is somewhat of a rarity, given all our urban armor.” Not only that, but as I wrote in my entry, the guy was going on and on about something I really didn’t want to know too much about. Maybe I’m weird for not wanting to know too much about this long-awaited movie before I see it; fine. This had nothing to do with his being Asian.
Are you saying I shouldn’t have described him in as much detail as I did? I was trying to be descriptive, and with all due respect, it’s not too often that I see an Asian guy with dyed-blond hair and wearing a tank top, at least not on the PATH train. And those are the attributes I used in describing him. Anyway, as someone who spent three years living in and travelling around Asia, immersing myself in unfamiliar cultures and thereby learning a great deal about them, I feel that I am, in fact, “able to see beyond overly broad categorizations.”
Again, I’m sorry you were offended, but no offense was meant.
Sincerely,
Tin Man
Now I’ll open up the floor. I think this brings up some interesting questions:
1) If you become aware of a person’s racial or ethnic background — if you are struck by it even in the slightest way — is that inherently racist? Or is it racist only when that difference causes you to judge or treat people better or worse than others? Or is it impossible to notice such a difference without evaluating it?
My thoughts: If you believe that we should ignore each other’s racial/ethnic differences completely, then I guess it can be seen as inherently racist to be aware of them. But in my view, there are different racial and ethnic groups in the world, and it’s natural to notice those differences, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re making an evaluative judgment.
Read about what Psionic’s father used to say about “Phil, the black guy” (scroll down).
2) Physical/sexual attraction: If you’re not physically/sexually attracted to people of a particular race or ethnicity, is that racist? Or is it the same as basing physical/sexual attraction on height? Weight? Hairiness? Or are all of these bad? Or are all of these okay?
Or do people just tell themselves that they’re not attracted to a particular race when in reality they’re just uneasy about sleeping with someone of a different race?
Discuss.
Hmm, I wonder if this could go on Metafilter.