The State of the Tin Man

Mr. Speaker. Distinguished members of the House and Senate, and also Congressman DeLay. Distinguished members of the Supreme Court, all four of you. President-in-exile Gore. Ms. Streisand.

My fellow websurfers.

It’s been about a week since I wrote about anything truly personal. Is there a correlation between personal anxiety and prolific prolixity? For that matter, is it even possible to be simultaneously prolific and prolix, or is that a paradox that collapses the universe? Mr. Speaker, I need a dictionary.

Okay. Upon pondering and perusing, I think prolific prolixity is possible, and not paradoxical. Pa-pow!

Anyway.

It’s not like I haven’t been writing, but my topics have been road trips and moon landings and the 2000 election and Katharine Graham and such. Really, nothing of major import has been going on in my life lately. But that’s okay. Life is made up of little things. So, let me give you a summary of where things stand.

My fellow websurfers:

The era of big government… is over.

Oops. I mean:

The state of the Tin Man… is strong.

Former President Clinton might say, “The state of the Tin Man is the strongest it has ever been.” But that would be hyperbole. Also, it would depend on what the meaning of the word “is” is.

Anyway. Where were we?

Social Life

I have a coffee date later in the week with someone who responded to my online personal ad. It had been months since anyone had responded. He’s Jewish and 5’7″ and seems intelligent. We’ll see how things go.

Cute Yale Boy seems to have fallen off the screen. I should give him a call.

And tonight, you might have heard, is the big Transatlantic Gay Blogmeet! A bunch of us New York bloggers will be getting together with these two tonight. Should be fun! I’ve never met a British blogger. I wonder if they’re like American bloggers. Or maybe it’s spelled blouggers. I’m not really sure.

Chat Rooms

My name is Tin Man, and it’s been twelve days since I’ve entered a chat room.

I’ve basically grown tired of it. I was wasting my time, and I’d just sit there at home staring at a computer screen, feeling pathetic, knowing that even if I could find something quick and fun, it wouldn’t really satisfy me. When I went to Fire Island I realized how much more fun it was to go somewhere and meet new people and do something different. So I decided to forswear chat rooms for the time being. I’ve been dealing with it day by day, telling myself, “I won’t go into a chat room today,” not making it a big thing, not worrying about all the other days, just telling myself I won’t do it today. It’s been almost two weeks now, and I’ve kicked the automatic impulse to log in every night. When I come home from wherever I’ve been that evening, I check my e-mail and read and go to bed. It’s much more satisfying.

Books

Last night I finally finished The Lord of the Rings for the second time. It took me seven weeks. The first time around I found the final chapters really anticlimactic and boring, but after rereading them, I can appreciate and enjoy them as an integral part of the story. And afterwards, I read through most of the appendices at the end of the third volume and found out lots of things I hadn’t known.

So this morning I figured it was finally time to begin reading The Silmarillion, Tolkien’s background material for The Lord of the Rings (my copy has an older, and prettier, cover). I’ve never read it, and now that I’ve begun, I feel like all the history is coming together.

What’s amazing is the difference in the tone of Tolkien’s writing among his Middle-Earth works. He can go from the very provincial — “In a hole in a ground there lived a hobbit” — to the deeply mystical and quasi-religious — “There was Eru, the One, who in Arda is called Ilúvatar; and he made first the Ainur, the Holy Ones, that were the offspring of his thought, and they were with him before aught else was made.”

When you first read Tolkien, you’re drawn into the ordinary, everyday domestic concerns of Bilbo Baggins, but by the end of his series of books you’re encountering the Universe and Creation itself. The hobbits are merely the hook by which Tolkien draws us into the vast mythology he’s created. I love how the hobbits are these little folks, far removed from the concerns of the greater world, who have never registered on anyone’s radar screens — as Treebeard tells Merry and Pippin, “You’re not on any of the old lists.” And yet they’re important enough that Tolkien writes an entire trilogy from their point of view. It’s the best way to teach; you start with something small and manageable, and you move on to greater concepts. Nothing is insignificant, and everything is; it all depends on your point of view.

It’s just like this.

Theater

On Friday night I saw the current revival of Craig Lucas’s play, “Blue Window.” Loved it; great structure, great staging, great acting, and incredibly realistic dialogue — scarily so. It’s closing this weekend, so you only have a few days left to see it. And the previous Friday night I saw “Proof,” which was probably the best play I’ve seen in ages.

Home

Lately I’ve been satisfied with living in Jersey City. To be honest, I don’t even know if I’m going to wind up moving to Manhattan just yet. It would increase my commute (assuming I continue to work in Newark), and it would decrease my living space and my funds. And I’ve been feeling like more of a Manhattanite lately, despite not living there. Why? Partly because of the theater.

Strangely, making this one little change in my life – becoming more involved in the Manhattan theater scene — has given me what I’ve been missing. For some reason this little change has made me feel more integrated into the life and culture of the city. I feel more with it, more in the know, more satisfied. And I’ve been able to do it without going through the hassle of moving across the river!

Somewhere deep down, I think I felt that I needed to live in Manhattan and become more sophisticated before I could really partake of the theater scene. It sounds stupid, but that’s how my brain was working. But instead of waiting to feel good enough to do what I wanted, I finally just went ahead and did what I wanted, and the good feeling followed.

It’s important to find out what it is that you’re really looking for, because sometimes you find that you don’t need to make as big a change as you thought you did. You decide to go after A, because you think it will bring you B. But why wait? Why not just go after B directly? Instead of waiting until you feel a certain way, do it. The feeling will follow.

Job

I’m still waiting to hear about this job I’m hoping to get. My boss knows the people there and remains optimistic, so I will, too. To be safe, I’d sent my resumé to a federal judge here in Newark who was apparently still looking for a law clerk to begin in September. I thought I was perfect for it. But it turns out he hired someone last Tuesday. I didn’t even get an interview. I think I sent my information too late.

Conclusion

Finally tonight, I’d like to thank someone who’s stood by me since the beginning. A fine American, someone who has served this great nation, and my personal needs, proudly over the last several months. That’s right. My fellow websurfers, please join me in thanking my spouse, Robert Sean Leonard.

Over two hundred years ago, our founding fathers gathered in Philadelphia to write a great document to serve as the foundation of our young nation. On the back of the speaker’s chair, an image of the sun was carved into the wood. Benjamin Franklin was asked by one of the representatives what kind of sun it was: was it a setting sun, or was it a rising sun? After a moment, Franklin responded, “It is an orange.”

He was old and senile at that point, and this might have been during his Zen period, so we’re not really sure what he was talking about.

May God bless you, may God bless Greymatter, and may God bless the United States of America.