The Summer That Wasn’t
I spent yesterday at my parents’ house. My dad grilled some chicken and beef and we ate dinner outside on the deck. By 8:00 it was nearly twilight, which made me realize how quickly this summer has gone by. That always happens. First it’s Memorial Day, then it’s the Fourth of July, and before you know it, it’s the end of August. Next weekend is Labor Day Weekend already! And Rosh Hashannah is in three weeks! Cripes.
Here is what I thought this summer would be like:
It’s the beginning of spring but I can see time stretching before me, I can see the summer in the distance, like the horizon of an ocean, with the potential for so much to happen, things I can’t even begin to imagine…
It’s warm, it’s spring, we’re on the cusp of a new season, so much to anticipate: I will meet new people, visit new places, feel new emotions blaze inside me; there will be misunderstandings and happy moments, new things to feel and to write about and someday to remember, all against a mythic background of the echoes of the ocean and the taste of ice cream.
— Me, April 15, 2001
Heh.
Let’s evaluate:
Meet new people. Well, I’ve recently met ex-fratboy/showtunes guy. (I’m really going to have to think of a better nickname for him.) I’ve also gotten to know Wales. I attended many more Twentysomething meetings and got to make a few more acquaintances. Also got to hang out with some out-of-town bloggers.
Visit new places. I went to Berkeley Springs, West Virginia. I went to Fire Island for the first time. I didn’t take a real vacation.
Feel new emotions blaze inside me. Ex-fratboy/showtunes guy again. That first night I hung out with him was amazing. It hasn’t been as exciting since then, and I wouldn’t call my emotions “blazing,” but it’s fun, I guess.
Misunderstandings and happy moments. How dramatic-sounding! The only misunderstandings have been blog-related, and I’ve had some good happy moments — just got a new job, just found a new apartment. But certainly not the stuff of novels or summer beach movies.
New things to feel and to write about. I Went to my first NYC gay pride and even marched in the parade. I’ve decided to explore the great books of Western culture. I’ve also rekindled my interest in theater. The first is kinda exciting, I guess. The rest isn’t, but it’s interesting to me, at least.
All against a mythic background of the echoes of the ocean and the taste of ice cream. Um, I went to the beach once. And we had an ice cream cake at work last week.
Okay, so my summer hasn’t quite lived up to expectations.
What about the fall? Here’s how I usually see the fall:
Perhaps I’m just conditioned from years of living on the academic calendar, but when September arrives and autumn begins, everything feels new. And I can already see down the horizon, one straight path, following an arc through new TV shows, crunching leaves, colder weather, Halloween, Thanksgiving, the holiday season, all culminating in a climax on New Year’s Eve.
Well, no great expectations. Autumn is more of a feeling that pervades you rather than a series of things that happen; I can revel in the season’s crisp joys without anything spectacular having to occur. I do miss UVa around this time of year, though.
I guess the key is not to have any great expectations. Just live day by day and keep track of all the good things that happen, whether big or small. Appreciate every day. Life is a succession of small moments.
This is just the same advice you’d get from Oprah, but it still works.
—–