Closure
Closure has been achieved.
Wes and I finally talked last night. It went really well, actually. Basically, each of us had independently concluded that we’re not right for each other. He could tell that I couldn’t deal with his Type A personality. On top of that, he said, he got kind of freaked out by me that night at the Phoenix. Oh, really, I thought. You were freaked out because I was upset that you were majorly coming on to someone else when we were out on a date together? Gee. Guess I overreacted, huh.
But I didn’t say that. I figured it wasn’t worth it.
The weird thing is that each of us thought that the other guy was the one who was most interested in a relationship. I thought he wanted a relationship, and he thought I wanted a relationship. Now, it seems clear to me that he was pretty interested at one point. At several points, even. We’d get together and he’d tell me that he’d missed me. And then there was “This is kinda like what boyfriends do.” I mentioned that remark last night, and he responded that he’d said that because he was trying to feel out the situation. Yeah, whatever.
At any rate, it was a very calm, friendly, laid back conversation, and we’ve decided we still want to be friends. In theory, that sounds great. Whether it will work in practice remains to be seen.
I think I’m seeing a pattern with guys lately. The guy behaves in a way that makes me think he’s coming on too strong. That makes me want to step back. Then it usually turns out that he’s not as interested in me as I thought he was. So what’s going on?
I think I should stop taking a guy’s words and actions at face value. Perhaps the guy doesn’t really know what he’s talking about that first time when he hints that he’s really into me. Perhaps he’s exaggerating, overcome by the moment. In other words, perhaps the guy from Barrage the other night really isn’t all over me right now. Perhaps he’s just feeling out the situation himself, just like I am, and he wants to pursue it, see where it goes, but he’s not trying to marry me.
Perhaps I want him to be more interested in me. Perhaps I want to be the one who has more power in the situation. I say that I don’t like it when a guy comes on too strong, but maybe, in some way, I really do like it.
Language is so confusing. I wish people would mean what they mean and say what they say.
Anyway, analysis, analysis, analysis. Enough of that.
Oh, the Associated Press article. I decided to compromise. I told the writer he could use my name and the name of the blog (“The Tin Man”), but not the URL. I’m not really sure if that will make a huge practical difference, but at least if people want to find the site, they’ll have to put in a little bit of effort. They’ll really have to want to find it. Maybe. I don’t know. Anyway, whatever. He told me he is in fact planning to quote me, so that’s kinda cool. Once the article is written, I hope to find an online version that I can link to from here.
And now I’m off to lunch.
well, I may not be the best person to be giving advice, but …
I think that you should take it easier on yourself. Dating can be annoying and confusing and lots of other things and the only thing I think I’ve maybe learned after lo these many years, is that the only thing you can know for certain is how you feel.
Don’t worry so much about the cues that someone else is giving you – decide what YOU want and YOU feel and act from there. Because in the beginning, that’s the only thing you can really know or be held accountable for.
Once you’re in a relationship, then you can worry more about what he’s feeling/wanting and how you’re effecting it.
But at least at the start, go ahead and be a little selfish. Worry about your own needs and act from your heart (or your -ahem-, if that’s what its about).
Hmmm… I thought what Andy (above) had to say, all of which is good advice, is stuff you’re pretty much already doing (as you demonstrated in resolutely ending things, dating-wise, with Wes)…
Anyhow, I just wanted to say, “good for you” for taking a stand in your relationship with Wes (You were freaked out because I was upset that you were majorly coming on to someone else when we were out on a date together? Gee. Guess I overreacted, huh. — love it!) and for the more easygoing, laid-back way you’re thinking about your new friend from Barrage.
Go, TinMan, go! ;-)
Oops. I misread Andy’s comment, and his emphasis on looking out for No. 1 at the beginning of a relationship (in other words, I missed his whole point).
Don’t I feel stoopid.
Okay, so he’s right, you’re still working on that (aren’t we all?!). Well, anyhow, my compliments still stand about the progress you’re making! (Now, if only I could figure out what I want…)