Old Friends

My oldest friend in the world called me last night. We’ve known each other since we were three years old, and we’ve been close friends ever since. He’s practically my second brother. He and I are similar in so many ways — both bright, creative guys; born a month apart; my Hebrew name is the reverse of his Hebrew name; my first and middle initials are the reverse of his first and middle initials. I guess we were fated to meet.

Anyway, he called me last night to tell me that he’s going to be moving away for eight months. He’s going to be living in… Antarctica! For eight months! Holy shit. He’s going to be helping to construct buildings for the Raytheon Corporation and the National Science Foundation, at McMurdo Station. More information here.

He and I have followed completely different paths. I was Mr. Conservative: getting high grades, pleasing my parents, going to law school, scared of living; occasionally that life has been one of quiet desperation, or at least one of frustration. As for him: he never finished high school, never went to college, has lived in Boston and Arizona and then moved back here, has worked as a security guard, a waiter, an installer of home theater equipment, has written poems, has taken photographs, has taught himself to play the guitar, has written songs, has taught himself Spanish, has created geometric drawings, has spent the night in jail, has had his driver’s license suspended for marijuana possession, has gone mountain climbing in sub-zero weather in the Adirondacks and Germany, has hiked through Chile, has no e-mail address or Internet access. And now he’s going to Antarctica.

He’s totally Mr. Unconventional, and he’s always astounded me. He never follows a pre-set path; he never thinks about why he wants to do something. He just knows that he wants to do it, and so he does it. He’s so unlike me — I’m a guy who analyzes everything and can’t do something enjoyable unless I can figure out why I want to do it. He’s not like that. He just does it. Which one of us is doing more living?

Yeah, I lived in Japan for three years, and I had to deal with being gay and coming out of the closet, and I went to law school and I write a blog. But him…

Well, he’s amazing.

We’re so different, but we go waaaay back. We used to play with Fisher-Price Little People together. With Super Powers action figures. We went to Hebrew school together, we went to the UK together. When I lived in Japan, when I came back, when he moved to Arizona — wherever either of us has been in the world, we’ve always managed to get back in touch. Even if months go by without hearing from him, when I do finally hear from him it’s like we’re picking up from where we left off five seconds ago.

I came out to him one Thanksgiving weekend when I was 19, before most people knew. Turned out he’d already known. And he didn’t care in the least. He’s always been there when I’ve needed support, when my life has felt like it’s been turning upside down, when I’ve wanted to die, when I’ve needed a lift. He’s one of my biggest fans.

Sometimes we still get together and play Talisman — this old board game that the Games Workshop used to make. They don’t make it anymore — the company doesn’t even exist anymore — but I have the whole thing, including all of the expansion sets. And he’s the only person I play it with.

We’ve known each other for almost 25 years now. Practically our entire lives. I have no other friend like him, and I never will.

Tomorrow afternoon I’m leaving work early and heading down to Washington, D.C., for the weekend, where I will attend the wedding of a college friend. The groom is Catholic, the bride is Jewish, the bride’s first name rhymes with the groom’s last name, and the ceremony and reception will take place at a swanky hotel. The ceremony will be officiated by a priest and a rabbi. (Isn’t that the start of a joke?)

It’ll be great to see some old friends. Unfortunately, one guy won’t be there — my friend Doug, who died in the World Trade Center collapse. Another guy has decided not to fly up from Dallas, because his girlfriend doesn’t want him to fly. Still, most of us will be there — including a friend who’s currently attending business school in Paris — and it should be a great time.

Have a great weekend, everyone.