Unblock

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Unblock

Yep, I haven’t written in a while. It’s amazing how not getting nominated for a Bloggie for Best GLBT Weblog can give a guy so much writer’s block.

To get unblocked, I wrote this long heartfelt entry about how pissed I am. I’m not going to post it, though, because I wrote some not-particularly-nice things about some people. Instead, I’ll just echo Jonno: no fucking comment.

Anyway.

Last night I went to this party in the meatpacking district. Lots of cute gay guys, and a disproportionate number of short ones, which always makes me happy. And it all felt so New Yorky. The casting director for “Survivor” cut in front of me on the bathroom line. James Gandolfini lived directly upstairs. So cool.

After the party, I met up with a friend who’s just moved from Brooklyn to the East Village, and we went to the Phoenix, everyone’s favorite East Village gay bar. I ran into two dates there.

First off, I ran into this East Village guy whom I met for drinks a couple of weekends ago. He’d been cute, but a little too East Villagey for me. And the night had ended with no sex. He’d yawned and had been tired and had needed to leave or something.

And so I ran into him last night.

The weird thing is, I ran into him on Friday night, too, at Barracuda. He was there with a friend, and I wound up hanging out with the two of them. He’d IM’d me at work that day, but at Barracuda, he didn’t seem to want me around. I was getting a bad vibe from him. His friend was nice, though, so I stayed.

And then I saw him last night at Phoenix. This time he was with a different guy. I didn’t want to be rude, so I dragged my friend over and we said hi and then we moved on.

A few seconds later, I turned around and he was kissing the guy he was with.

I don’t even want to date the guy, but for some reason this pissed me off. It was like passive-aggressive rejection or something.

A few minutes later my friend and I ran into one of my Date Bait dates, who was there with a friend. Apparently yesterday was his 30th birthday.

We’d seen a movie earlier in the week, and afterwards, he’d suggested we get together again this weekend so we could have a date that involved talking. But neither of us had called the other yet this weekend. And last night at the bar, after talking with us for a few minutes, he left with his friend. That was that.

So I don’t know what’s going on.

Man, this is the lamest entry ever.

You know, I’ve been considering taking a vacation from blogging. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. At any rate, not getting a Bloggie nomination, and the increasing lack of anonymity, and a dry spell in my life — all are making me question why I’m doing this. I just haven’t felt like putting in the effort lately.

So I’ll just end this entry now before it gets any lamer.

16 thoughts on “Unblock”

  1. I wouldn’t worry about it. Your site is more of a journal than a weblog, and the Bloggie rules clearly state that the awards are for weblogs, not online journals.

    Then again, that would also disqualify at least one of the sites which actually did get nominated, so forget i said anything :)

  4. What?? Okay, my friend was obviously mistaken.

    Wait — didn’t you tell me that he lived in the building where you worked?

    But I swear this guy told me the same thing.

    Maybe he lives everywhere.

  6. Be happy not to have won a bloggie! Any group of that judges your site to be less than Will Wheaton’s daily online dross is clearly using a standard of value that you should never hope to meet.

    Brent

  8. Yes, what Brent said!! and do you really want your site to become another constant and annoying plea for VOTES like some of the other sites have become since the nominations were announced? You might be the new Sylvia Plath but at least your problems are INTERESTING! :)

  9. Do you mind, Bottom 98%? I’m trying to be bitter here.

    Seriously, though, you make a good point. There are lots of gay blogs out there, and to presume that mine is one of the best is rather big-headed of me.

    I think I was basing it mainly on anecdotal evidence (the opinions that people have given me of my site, as well as feedback I’ve always received about my writing in general); my daily number of hits (more people reading your site translates to more people who will vote for you); being high-profile enough to have gotten that My Way Blog thingie; and my own self-perceptions. I think it’s all given me an inflated sense of my abilities and of my site.

    Also I really really wanted it.

    So, thank you for giving me some perspective. I needed that.

    Sigh. I guess I’ll settle for the top 6 percent.

  10. I have a couple of really quite choice things to say about this discussion. But I’m imposing a 24-hour thinking-through period on my comments, out of respect for people I consider my friends.

    However, I will say that people who say things in public that they won’t attach their name to don’t get ANY fucking respect. Represent, yo.

    Specific to your post (that’s what comments are for, right?)–the guy who turned 30 had WAY too much on his mind to deal with dating. Trust me. 30 is all-encompassing and life-sucking.You’ll see!

  11. Amen to the anonymous posts reprimand. They’re a sure sign that things are starting to get ugly, which is pretty much just pointless and needlessly stressful.

  12. 1) It’s one thing to “really, really” want the award; it’s another to get “pissed” when you’re passed over. What’s up with that?

    2) This topic reminds me of the way you’ve belittled yourself for not having published a book as a twentysomething like some other wunderkinder have.

    3) #1 + #2 above = hunger for external (authoritative) sources of validation, much?

    4) I hope you don’t take a break, but I say that only in selfishness, because I’d miss reading you. If you do take a break, I’m sure it’ll be for the best — and we’ll still be here waiting for you when you get back. :)

  13. I really enjoy reading this page.

    One of the things that I like about it is that it doesn’t feel like it’s here for my approval, or my acclaim. It doesn’t come across as a page seeking adulation or admiration. It comes across as itself. It comes across as the personal page of a genuine guy, who I’d enjoy drinking with.

    I guess that what I’m saying is that I didn’t expect you to be the kind of guy who wanted to win a Bloggie. I thought you’d be the sort of guy who’d hate to even be nominated – particularly with your recent worries about people being able to find your page.

    But I know better now.

    [big cyber hugs]

  16. hmm. i’m going to have to recommend taking a break. you were pissed you weren’t nominated? come on, jeff. you yourself just said in a recent post that you do this for you. well, no you don’t. the bloggie awards wouldn’t affect you in this way. and the fact that you took the time to write a post that you won’t post that goes on to slam people i imagine did get nominated says plenty about why this is so important to you. so, i’d take a break. get some perspective. a mere handful of people read me everyday, and i’m grateful that they find me fairly interesting enough to stick around. whoop-de-doo. but if you are blogging because you feel lacking in popularity (and i hope you understand i’m not being tacky when i remind you that this is not high school, although the bloggies might just imply it is. i mean, wil wheaton?) then you are not doing what you yourself said you set out to do with your blog. and that is to be a journal for yourself. you are a good-looking, eloquent man. go make some real live flesh and blood contacts, and let the internet be what it is: a diversion.

    again, take a break. and i mean that in the nicest way.

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