I’m going to try to sort out my thoughts on the upcoming election.

I’m nervous about it. Perhaps I’m just a pessimist when it comes to politics; perhaps it’s just in my nature to give too much credence and power to those who disagree with me, and to belittle and lack confidence in my own viewpoints.

I think this has to do with my own psychological makeup. When I was growing up, I put all my self-worth into being respected by authority figures; I wanted to play by the rules, please my teachers and my parents. And at some point I felt I’d learned that I could do nothing but disappoint them. I was too strange — too smart to hang out with the normal people, but not successful enough to make my parents happy. This made me feel ashamed; they were right, and I was always wrong. This continued past childhood. For instance, it took me forever to come out of the closet; I was too scared of what might happen, too scared of making my parents angry and of being seen as an outcast by society.

I tend to see most Republicans as latter-day incarnations of those authority figures. Therefore, I tend to see them as automatically correct, and those who oppose them
(such as me) as automatically wrong. I don’t really believe that’s true, but it does seem to be the position I’m naturally inclined to take if I don’t work hard to fight against it within myself.

And yet, once I’ve decided that I’m right, I see that there are people who just as stridently believe that I’m wrong.

For instance, I’ve read some of the comments here:

Today, the Dems are NOT a loyal opposition; and if Bush wins I don’t expect the press, nor most rich elites, to change.

I’m stunned that anyone in their right mind can’t see that Bush and Cheney are the true “rich elites” in this campaign, giving their other “rich elite” friends a ton of unnecessary tax breaks and caring nothing for ordinary middle-class people.

I can’t imagine behaving in the rabid fashion that the extreme left has for the past few years…

I’m stunned that someone can say this despite Clinton’s impeachment over something completely unrelated to his presidential duties.

I used to think that logical arguments always win the day. But they don’t. And that scares me.

The following things also make me nervous: Fox News, Teresa Heinz Kerry, electronic voting machines without paper trails, Bush’s edge in the polls when it comes to the terrorism issue (despite the fact that he hasn’t reduced the possibility of a terrorist attack), Kerry’s inability to articulate a coherent and consistent message (up to now), conservative columnists who write well.

About that last point: I tend not to be a knee-jerk voter, and therefore I do try to at least consider some of the conservative arguments I hear. Sometimes they seem to make sense (when it comes to foreign policy, anyway), and I feel like an idiot for disagreeing. But then I read someone with whom I do agree, and the balance is restored.

I’m voting for Kerry. But I have no idea who will win this election, and should Kerry win, I have no idea how successful he’ll be. On the other hand, I can’t stand the thought of four more years of George W. Bush in the White House.

It’s interesting how political views can be an extension of one’s personal psychology.