My grandma doesn’t know I’m gay.
I mean, she has to know. She’s 91 and she’s in a nursing home, but she has a mind like a steel trap. She never forgets a name or a face. She has trouble hearing, but as my parents say, she hears when she wants to. I’m 30 years old, I’ve never had a girlfriend, and I’ve long been interested in theater. She knows what’s going on.
But my parents and my aunt don’t like to tell her certain things. There are a couple of other family mini-dramas she doesn’t know about, either. I guess they don’t want to go through the trouble of explaining all the details and then having her constantly ask for updates.
It offends me only sightly — not enough to make it a big issue — but last night I realized how problematic it can be. She and I spoke on the phone last night for the first time in many months, and it was difficult to give her her updates on my life without mentioning the most important person in it. I mentioned that my job is going well and that I’m singing with a chorus (although I left the word “gay” out of the chorus name). That’s about it. My life must sound so boring to her.
I’m proud of the fact that I have a boyfriend, a special someone, and yet I can’t tell her about it. I don’t know what her reaction would be, but it would be better than her thinking I’m eternally single and lonely.
I barely talk to her anyway, but I’m just saying.
So tell her. What’s the worst thing that could happen? She’s seen a lot in her life and I think she can take it.
This is about more than Grandma. We are always obliged to explain our lives — provided we’re “allowed” to talk at all. Straights never have to do this because everything about them is assumed automatically.
Next time you talk to Grandma tell her you’re in love. And then tell her everything about him.
Won’t kill her.
And it WILL give you more life.
Grandparents are like young children. Totally honest, unshockable, trusting and give 100% love. The scarey thing is most often they relate better to their grandchildren than their own children because of the role reversal thing with their own children who are now worried and caring for them as they once cared and worreid about their kids. Whatever you do her love for you won’t diminish one iota.
YEAH, MAN – what they said – do it. Doesn’t have to be a big dramatic announcement, just the way you talk here – casually mentioning what a great time you had with Matt doing X or Y – and she’ll ask who is this guy, and you’ll be ready with plenty of stories of what a great guy he is, and how important he is to you, or whatever. Don’t sweat the other relatives’s opinions or worries – you owe it to yourself, your grandma, and your relationship. And I think a lot of us gay folks forget, str8 people take their cues from us – if we are open and share our lives, your loved ones are usually just dying to know, and know you are doing well.
Bet if she met Matt… and they hit it off… she would figure it out herself… and she would be so happy to see you so happy.