Mopey

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When I resumed blogging nearly two years ago, I promised myself I was never going to write anything mopey.

But I can’t help it. I’m feeling mopey.

Between the Celexa and Matt, my life is much better and much less neurotic than it used to be. This is very good. Excellent, even.

But it also means there’s less dramatic stuff for me to write about. And having less dramatic stuff to write about makes my blog less interesting to read.

It could be that back in the first go-round of my blog, I enjoyed exploiting the dramatic aspects of my life — the sex, the dating, the self-esteem issues, the self-doubt — in order to keep people coming back for more. And since then, I’ve learned better, and I haven’t wanted to sacrifice my sanity for the sake of popularity. So I don’t open myself up here as much as I used to.

But perhaps less chaos in my life doesn’t have to mean less interesting writing. I could still write interesting stuff, and still open myself up a bit, without exploiting myself in the process.

But there’s really something else going on here.

Okay, here’s the thing. The thing is, there’s this whole circle of gay New York bloggers now, and I barely know any of them. A few years back, there was this little group of homo bloggers, and I hung out with them every so often. But now there’s this whole other group of homo New York bloggers, and I don’t know them, and I don’t think they know me, but I want to know them, and I want them to know me. I want to, like, get invited to stuff and know what’s going on and all of that. I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with me.

I wanna hang out with, and be one of, the cool kids. And it’s bumming me out a little that I’m not.

That’s all, I guess.

8 thoughts on “Mopey”

  1. Well, I know how you feel… I find myself wrestling with the same thing every now and then.

    The thing is this, though… if you, whom I put up on a pedestal as part of the cool blogging community with which I sometimes wish I were more affiliated, think of yourself as lower-tier, then where does that leave me? I’m not even part of the cool DC homo-blogging crowd, and apparently I’ve been idolizing only the NY second-string.

    I may as well give up blogging again, and just go back to spending my computer time playing games and looking at porn.

    So, no matter how low you feel on the NYC blogging scene, take heart that you’re still “cooler” than most of us here in the rest of the country, and certainly much more so than me. Hey, you’re even one of the few featured gay blogs on Kinja, after all.

  2. Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I never get invited anywhere either. But I never did presume to think myself cool or included, so it’s less of an issue for me. Also, I haven’t been blogging nearly as long.

    But on the plus side: You’ve got a stable relationship, a job you don’t hate that pays you enough money to live your life, and a great family.

    Now, go give thanks.

  3. I thought I read about a Gay NY blogmeet a month or so ago. Maybe you could organise one. :}. Start off small in some caf/restaurant e or something, and see what happens. They probably feel the same way you do. Take care, and Haooy Thanksgiving to all of you.

  5. Hey Tinman, I’ve met a number of the NYC bloggers (I’m pretty sure they are the others you are writing about). Just wanted to let you know they are really nice guys and you should just send a couple an email, you won’t regret meeting them.

  6. I’ve certainly noticed less pain-n-angst in your writing over the years. Although, sure, it makes for less drama in your blog, it doesn’t necessarily translate into being less-than-interesting, unless a reader enjoys vicariously witnessing pain — and those most definitely do exist. I actually think you have a healthier take on life now, albeit only estimating this through your blog. A healthy perception of life is no small thing. Billions of dollars in analysis are dedicated to this goal.

    As to popularity, and this should come as no surprise from me, it’s completely over-rated. I’d even go typically over-board and say the desire for popularity is a common root of evil, especially in the public sector.

    Do what is right.

    rob@egoz.org

  7. Oh… Since reading this post the other day… Do you know about the New York Gay Bloggers tribe on Tribe.net? They are planning a meet at the gay bar Therapy on December 4th, 2004 at 9pm. So there you are!

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