I Gave My Love a Cherry

Last night I gave Matt a Hanukkah present. I’d ordered it online, and it arrived yesterday in a plain, brown, slightly oblong box, about seven or eight inches long. Before wrapping the box, I took a black magic marker and crossed out the name of the company, because that would probably give away what the gift was.

He pulled off the wrapping paper and said, “This is sort of a strange-shaped box,” and he gave me a curious look. He couldn’t get the tape off the box, so I got some scissors and then he began cutting the tape away, becoming more suspicious by the second.

He opened the box and, beneath the bubble wrap, he vaguely saw something about six or seven inches long, with a circumference similar to that of a banana, and a look of shock crossed his face.

Then he removed the bubble wrap and realized it was a new TiVo remote, which I’d gotten to replace the one he’d lost a few years earlier.

He’d thought I’d gotten him a dildo, of course.

Upon hearing this, I became as embarrassed as he’d been a few seconds before.