If I grunted more at the gym, would I be able to lift more weight? This is a rhetorical question (sort of). There are some people at the gym who are completely uninhibited. A couple of weeks ago, there was a grunter who was so loud that I thought he was being tortured by a red-hot needle. It almost made me uncomfortable. As for me, sometimes I grunt, but not very loudly. I don’t feel like grunting more loudly would make me able to lift any more weight. I guess it’s all about the position your throat is in while you’re lifting.
And now I must quote an excerpt from a poem by my friend Aaron Smith, “Working Out with the Boys”:
They could be making love,
these straight boys, judging
from the sounds, their breathing
quick, forced like before orgasm:
the soft strain of men pushing
their bodies, breaking
themselves down while other men watch
or help. Someone saying, Come on,
come on, push it, push: a final
throaty groan, an almost come-
cry, as a barbell is raised
one more time, one
more time, then dropped
or slammed down
on the mat, muscles
exhausted, trembling, high
fives, a shirt raised to wipe sweat
from a face….
It goes on. Such a great poem.
[grunt]
It’s really bad for your vocal cords, though. If you must make sound, don’t grunt, but open your throat and let out a nice Italianate [a]. This engages your lower abdominal muscles giving you better support for the lift, a tighter tummy, and better erections. No, really. Of course, everyone at the gym will be more annoyed at you than the grunters, but, whatever, fuck them.
I couldn’t help but think about the Adam Sandler “Sex or Working Out?” skit when I read this. ;)
Anything a fellow wahoo can do in helping in your job search?