More and more often lately, I think about having kids.
The thing is – I don’t really know if I want to raise kids. I don’t have the money and I can’t imagine myself ever having the money. And then there’s the time and energy. And they turn into rebellious teenagers.
So I don’t know if I want to raise kids – but sometimes I want to have them. I want to pass on my genes. I want to leave something that lives on after I’m gone – a bloodline that emanates from me. I don’t want to just be someone’s uncle, an offshoot on someone else’s family tree.
More practically, I also wonder, years from now, about dying old and forgotten in a nursing home — assuming that (1) I live a full lifespan, (2) there are still such things as nursing homes in the mid-21st century, and (3) our robot overlords haven’t taken over by then.
Theoretically I could become a sperm donor, either anonymously or to a lesbian couple. But I’d feel weird about contributing my genes to a child and yet not having any rights to that child. Which I know contradicts the desire not to have to raise the child.
These are all just amorphous thoughts that have been going through my head lately.
I’ve never understood the point of passing on one’s genes. I mean, what would I specifically get out of having my genes survive into another generation? I’ll still die and whatever happens after death — if anything — I doubt the state of my genes will matter all that much to me.
I don’t think my genes are really all that special, either. I doubt that I’m part of the 90 generation breeding plan that will create the Kwisatz Haderach. Why would I want to saddle some poor kid with my lousy eyesight? There is also a disturbing tendency toward baldness and obesity as the men in my family get older *shudder*
An Aryan superman I am not.
Maybe if I came from nobility or something or a kohen I’d see a greater incentive to continue the bloodline. But I don’t.
I understand the desire to leave a legacy, to make some mark on the world, but really — spawning a few mewling puking brats is dead common. I still want to teach even though that as a career path seems closed to me. It’s unlikely that I’ll create a lasint piece of art or literature, that’ll I’ll ever be a Napoleon or a Lenin and leave my mark on history.
Perhaps I’ll feel differently in 50 years or so, but I’m perfectly happy sinking into the nameless mass of historical oblivion. All my family and friends are or will be there, so at least I won’t be lonely.
Most people die in nursing homes alone, sorry but many times the family shows up at the end after there is not much to say.
Think about how you want your life to unfold, not plan how it will end.
I have one great child who not only has my genes but my name, and still I wonder if I made the right decision. I am glad I wnet do that road and do very much enjoy his company, but there is a price to be paid.
After spending the weekends with two sets of families who were not able to stop, I am SOOO thankful I had one, even if he is honestly one of the best kids I know.
I have many friends who love having additional kids and would not think of stopping, but raising involves some serious work and worry.
Are you familiar with Dan Savage? Editor of the “Stranger” newspaper in Seattle and also writes the “savage love” sex advice column? He has a book called “The Kid”, though, he and his partner adopted a kid, so his genes are not being passed on. The book is cute, but I think his writing in his answers in “savage love” is more clever.
Yes – I read his book a few years ago. I liked it. I think I’m over my kid-desire for a while now, but for a day or so there I thought about re-reading it.
It takes balls to put those feelings out there, Jeff. I know what you mean. And I really appreciated what Jay had to add. Questions, questions.