Middle Seats

I don’t know WTF this woman’s problem was on the New Jersey Transit train this morning. I take NJ Transit every morning from Penn Station to Newark. Each row of seats on the train has five seats — two on one side and three on the other, with an aisle in between. Nobody ever sits in the middle seat of a three-seat section unless there are two or three people traveling together. It’s just an unwritten rule. Nobody does it.

So this morning I’m one of the first people on the train and I take a window seat on an empty group of three seats. I put my bag on the middle seat next to me, because, again, nobody’s gonna sit there. It just never happens.

A few minutes later, a guy comes by and sits in the aisle seat, leaving an empty seat between us. That’s fine. Standard procedure.

Then, a couple more minutes later, this woman comes by and asks the guy if he can move down so she can sit in the row too. WTF? Why can’t she keep walking down the aisle and into the next car to see if there are any other empty seats? She’s not elderly or disabled or anything. She’s about my age. Anyway, like a mindless automaton, the guy moves over to the middle seat to make room for her. So I’m cramped up against the window. It could be worse — I could be stuck in the middle seat like the guy next to me. But she’s broken a social rule, dammit.

I notice that there’s only one person sitting in the triple seat in front of us, next to the window. So I point to the empty aisle seat in that row and say (nicely and helpfully, I thought), “You know, there’s an empty seat there if you wanted to make some more room.” She looks at me as if I’ve insulted her grandma and responds, “It’s going to be a crowded train anyway,” or something like that. What the hell? It’s going to be a crowded train anyway? Who is this person?

Sure enough, a minute later someone comes by and sits in the row in front of us. And sure enough, none of the other additional people getting on the train goes to any other row to try to take a middle seat or make anyone else take a middle seat. No, only the stubborn mule at the end of the row I happen to be in.

And the stupid peon sitting next to me in the middle seat just sits there dumbly and suffers in silence. Thanks a lot, jerk. So much for solidarity. You just sit there and passively accept your fate? What is this, the Soviet Union?

When we pull into Newark I’m the only one of three of us disembarking. So both of them have to get up so I can get out of my seat and off the train.

Hah! I sure showed them. They both had to get up for me!

I take my victories where I can find them. Walter Mitty would know what I mean.

5 thoughts on “Middle Seats

  1. Hmm. No one seems to obey this rule on Metro-North.

    Or, rather, they violate this rule especially for me.

    I always claim the window seat of a three-seater. Then someone will take the aisle. Fine.

    However, whenever I have been forced to endure having someone in the middle seat, THEY ALWAYS PICK THE SEAT NEXT TO ME!!!

    The middle seat in the row immediately before me and behind me will be empty, but they’ll sit next to me. One of these days, I’m finally going to ask someone why they picked the one next to me instead of the two adjacent ones.

    On the other end of the situation, though, the only reason I generally get my seat of choice is that mine is the third stop on the line. On the return trip, I have absolutely no shame or compunction about forcing myself into the middle seat if the option is standing for 45 minutes. I dodn’t pay $220 a months to stand, thank you very much.

    It’s not the claiming of the middle seat that bothers me — it’s the mystery of why they always choose the seat next to me.

    And it’s always either a woman or a trollish old man. If it was someone young and cute, of course, I wouldn’t mind.

  2. In reference to ay’s comment, the concept amuses me. As an intensely closeted young man, my first sexual experiences were in public restrooms, so learned an entirely different men’s room etiquette…

  3. Are these seats smaller than the ones in the NYC subway? Like the orange seats that are sectioned off? Cause on the subway, I can’t stand it when people take up more than one seat’s worth of room. I’ll bunch myself up next to big guys that are sitting with their legs spread wide open to get a seat. Nobody is entitled to two seats on the subway (or even to have their legs spread up past their own seat).

    I can’t stand it when people sit spread apart on the unsectioned off seats too, when I know there’d be an extra space if people just sat closer, like the old trains with dark gray seats that only have that divider every two seats (or even the new light blue seats that are supposed to fit three or four people in each section depending on which train you’re on).

  4. They’re probably a little bit bigger than the subway seats. But anyway, the subway has different etiquette rules than commuter trains. I agree with you about the subway seats – I sometimes squeeze myself in as well, sometimes just to make the person suffer for trying to take up more than their share of space.

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