Yesterday was a day off and Matt had to work. I didn’t do much all day, but in the afternoon I had a sudden urge to re-watch “The Fellowship of the Ring.” I hadn’t watched it in a few years and it was time. So I popped disc 1 of the Extended Edition into the DVD player, and except for having to switch discs halfway through (grr), I was transfixed. For nearly four hours I was utterly absorbed in an alternate universe.

Fellowship has always been my favorite book of the trilogy. It’s resonated emotionally for me ever since I was a kid, moreso than the other books.

It begins in the safe, cozy community of Hobbiton, which seems like it has always existed and always will — just as I felt as a child that I had always been a child and hoped that I always would be. Children crave safety and security, and what’s more safe and secure than Hobbiton?

Then Frodo must leave home, which has always been the saddest part of the story for me. I guess I really craved safety and security as a kid. In the books, 17 years pass after Bilbo leaves the Shire and before Frodo must leave. I always cherished that interlude, imagining it as an idyllic time when Frodo could live in his house, in a village among all his friends, without any worries. But then he must go, leaving behind everything he has ever known. Once, when I was a child, I walked to the top of my street, which ended at a busy road. As I turned the corner, leaving my own block to walk along that busy road, I imagined that I was Frodo, forever leaving behind all that he loved. It felt poignant.

Next comes the most exciting, most terrifying part of the story: the four hobbits are on their own without anyone to protect them from the Black Riders. The Black Riders scared the living fucking shit out of me as a kid. I can’t think of anything more viscerally terrifying.

Then Strider shows up and becomes their protector, and eventually they make it to Rivendell — another oasis where I used to wish I could stay forever.

And then the story shifts gears and becomes less resonant for me. The fellowship forms and begins its quest, and the book turns from a tale of terror into a full-blown adventure story. It’s still entertaining and I still love it, but the hobbits are protected by an elf, a dwarf, two strong men and a wizard, so you know everything will turn out okay; where’s the terror?

The next two books of the trilogy are less straightforward and harder to follow, as the group breaks up and people do different things and meet more characters and things get more complicated. But the first book is pretty linear, which might be why I find it more accessible. Also, Fellowship is filled with these lovely oases separated by danger: The Shire, danger, Tom Bombadil’s house, danger, Rivendell, danger, Lothlorien, danger. Every time they arrive at one of those oases, the kid in me wants to stop and stay there forever.

Peter Jackson’s movies make some plot changes that bother me, but I really like the arc of the first film. It seems to traverse so much emotional territory, and the last 20 minutes always move me. Howard Shore’s beautiful score helps.

When I finished watching the movie yesterday, it was 7:30 and dark out. I just sat there and let the credits roll as the music washed over me, and I awoke from my reverie.