Thirty-Seven

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Thirty-seven years ago today I was born in a hospital in Manhattan — the same hospital where Stephen Sondheim was born, I just learned this year.

As I lay in bed last night, I was feeling a little dejected about this birthday. It’s not like it’s a milestone birthday like 30 or 40, but I feel like I’ve officially transitioned from my mid-30s into my late 30s, and I’m not happy about it. How did I get to my late 30s? When I turned 30 *SEVEN YEARS AGO* (jeez), I remember someone telling me, “Your 30s are great! You stop worrying about turning 30 and all the drama of your 20s starts to go away and your life becomes more stable.” I guess that’s generally true. On the other hand, the years since I’ve turned 30 seem to have just sped by. I don’t know what I’ve done with myself. My 30s have been… boring.

And yet when I look at the individual days, I know I’ve had some specific moments and experiences that have been lots of fun and enjoyable.

But it strikes me: the way my life is right now is probably the way it’s going to be for the rest of my life. This… might be it.

In some ways, that’s good and fine. Because you can’t really think about your life on a macro level like that, or else you’ll just get depressed. You have to think about it on a micro level. You have to appreciate all the little good things that happen in a day. You have to be attuned to *small* things: the smell and taste of a meal, the sound of blowing wind on a snowy day, relaxing on the couch with your honey watching TV, a nice drink with friends. I have given up most of the big ambitions I once had for myself, and I seem to be happier on a day-to-day level. It’s only when I look at the big picture that I start to get a little uneasy. So I try not to look at the big picture.

So anyway: I’m frickin’ 37 years old. Jesus.

6 thoughts on “Thirty-Seven”

  4. Happy birthday! Sorry I couldn’t make it out tonight.

    Although I kind of want to slap you for complaining about how boring your life is. You live in Manhattan. You go to theater often. I only hope my life is a good as yours in six years ;)

  6. Happy birthday!

    I met someone recently who was extremely excited to be turning 29 and on his way to his 30s for the reasons you mentioned, that he’s done with figuring himself out in his 20s and can just have a happy decade in his 30s. He had a good attitude, that life is like a magnet, you can’t have the positive without the negative, so the trick is to expect both with everything. You might be focusing more on the negatives, but you’re supposed to have both so you should be at peace with both.

    Also, your 30s aren’t over! 37, 38, 39 is a long time to have for lots of excitement and then when you turn 40 you’ll say your 30s were awesome. :)

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