I’m terrified.

And I feel ill. Physically ill, in the pit of my stomach.

I’m trying to hold it together, but it’s really difficult.

It doesn’t help that I didn’t get much sleep last night.

This morning, I walked around the corner to the grocery store. The vibe on the street felt like post-9/11. A collective, communal shock and despair. Same thing later, on the subway. Everyone being quiet and polite to each other.

I walked past the Javits Center on the way to the office. I stared at it and broke into tears.

But it wasn’t really about her. It was that she was the only thing saving us from disaster. And she lost.

I was very dejected when W won, and then when he won again. But I wasn’t terrified like I am now.

I’m terrified for the future of our country – socially, financially, and in other ways. I’d feel that way if any Republican had won. But because it was this particular person, I’m also terrified about our civil liberties, about impending fascism, about geopolitics, about what’s going to happen to the world.

Our country doesn’t survive this.

It’s like a nightmare, but I can’t wake up from it.

So, where to go from here?

Self-preservation. Be good to myself. Find new hobbies. Start to pull back from following the news. I hope I can do that.

Other than that – sorry, I got nothing.